Monday, February 25, 2013
I PRed the hell out of my long run this weekend. I am training for my first half marathon that is in just about a month. Before Saturday, the longest I had run was 8 miles...and I felt like I was going to die afterwards. I seemed to be averaging about 11 minute miles, too, until I set up two separate GPS/tracking apps for this run. After 8 miles, I felt good. So I decided to keep going. Honestly, I could have kept running when all was said and done. The wind was light to moderate, the sun kept popping in and out of clouds, it was about 50 degrees, and after 3 miles, I felt amazing. I turned on the second tracker after 5.4 miles...I had a feeling I was doing pretty well and wanted to verify that feeling.
11.4 miles later (12.4 by one log but I'll stick to the lesser because I honestly can't believe my luck already...), with negative splits and an average of 6.5-8.5 minute miles, I was done with my run. I don't think I've ever felt so amazing after a run. I am now on a high that will carry me through to the half. I can only hope that this wasn't a total fluke and that I can match or better this on the day of.
The funniest part of this whole run is that I woke up trying to talk myself out of the long run (the previously-planned 8 miles).
I'm damn pleased that I drug myself out the door that morning. It makes you wonder all kids of crazy things...what if? kinda things.
On that note...this gal needs to teach some English and usher in her next period of students.
Mrs FFF...signing out.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
I realized the other night while I was running that it didn't matter how many people read this blog, if anyone commented ever, or if life was busy. Writing is one the easiest and most amazing ways for me to find a release. The other being running, of course. Funny how my epiphany occurred while running. Sometimes I feel like I can hammer out some truly life-changing post that might just reach someone, and other times I write about fluff. But every post I make seems to breathe life back into me. It helps me find my center. So I decided that this, at the very least, can be my journal. It will help me find my center, reconnect the me that gets lost with the harshness of the world, and it will refresh me when nothing else can.
Life lately has entered into a new type of 'normal'. The hubs and I joke that we have never truly known a normal life together. Our normal is everyone else's chaos. We run and work ourselves to the point where we forget to find time for one another and for ourselves. The agreement we have made each other during this new flux has been to find at least one night that we can dedicate to each other. We need that time to focus and reconnect. As important as it is to find time for yourself and remember the you you love, it is equally as vital for our young marriage to find - no make - time to see one another...to laugh, eat, have a glass of wine, relax, smooch, talk...together. In August, I began a new journey in my career and life by starting to teach full time and - gasp - getting paid to do it! The experience thus far has been a crazy-bumpy, hard, stressful, completely and utterly fulfilling time. As much as I miss my old crew...
'taste the rainbow' day!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
i've been thinking lately about the ladies, and a few guys, too, that sprinkle my life beautiful...and words fail me. life is bitterly short and i made a decision to over-love and over-gush rather than dwell on negative for too long anymore. in light of that decision, i want to gush today over some of the marvelous belles that i am blessed to know.
over the years there have been many ladies that i have called friends, even sisters. one has had the fortitude, insight, beauty, and good humor to carry me through 21 years at this point. she is my soul sister and completes me in such a wordless, pristine way. she and i vary on many so-called 'important' adult topics but at heart, the one truth that matters is that we value the same things dearly. i have been blessed to see her grow and blossom into an amazing mother and she had the grace to bring another amazing soul into my world, whom i now call sister, as well. this addition had a life-rocking year, at times. her strength and faith are an inspiration to me daily. the beauty that both of these girls beam is completely unknown to them. they are gracious and true. together the three of us are unstoppable and 'golden'. we are carry different stories, different burdens, and truly different lives but once again, at heart, what matters most reigns true. they spoiled me lovely this year and i could never thank them enough. their love and friendship means the world to me.
this next lady i have been blessed to know since i 'adopted' her in orchestra. my korean, fireball, protector, little sis. her gracious, brilliant, gorgeous being is forging an amazing role and path in this world. she has turned to me at times asking for wisdom but in truth, i have mostly looked to her to find answers and strength. she has years packed into her soul that her youth fails to admit. she has found her perfect match, another soul who so perfectly compliments her strong, worldly self. i swear that when they get ready to bring a baby into this world, it will be the most gorgeous being to grace Texas. her friendship and love mean the world to me.
i am starting to think that this post is going to have to be a continuing thing...as i type, i realize that there are several more amazing women that i must explicate for the world and i have one of their little one's sitting next to me asking for some guidance in her math studies right now. so my time will go to her now because she is, as i have been realizing so much more this last week, budding and soaking up this one-on-one attention and time that we have.
so today, i hope, is a beautiful one for anyone who reads this. and i hope that this helped to spur a sweet memory of someone that you cherish. more about my most cherished loves soon.
much love to all!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
this past spring i student taught, as you all know. i also spent most of my free time trying to search for a job. this was a stressful but completely amazing experience. i learned a lot about myself...how to trust myself and my instincts and how to let myself feel let down without letting it wash over me so completely that it smothers me. the hubs truly carried me at times. we fought at times because my emotions were so raw that any sign of disapproval was met with a wall of defense on my part. but we made it and we are all the more strong for it.
i am happy to report that after many, many failed attempts at applying to all the ISD's within an hour radius around my home, and one failed interview attempt (the whole 'we decided to go in another direction' line truly shattered me and my self-esteem for a good couple of days...then i kicked my own ass and picked myself back up)...well, i was offered my dream position - at my old high school, no less. i will be teaching sophomore english II in the STEM academy (science, technology, engineering, and math). and my coworkers are pretty much amazing. i have been in training with some of them for the last week and a half and they suit my personality in every way. i can see many a good times brewing already.
to my kids at LHHS, i will never, ever forget all the goodness you brought to me. and all the many colorful things you taught me.
this summer has brought peace and so much love and happiness. my momma and i shared big birthdays this year...30 for me and 60 for her. i cannot imagine a better gift than getting to share so many days and outings with her but to be able to celebrate days of birth together is immensely gratifying. she is my best friend. i was showered with love and memories by my friends and my besties threw a party for me that will go down in history as a night of pure happiness and fun. and we shall never speak of it...ever. last weekend the hubs took me on a belated weekend away for my day...all a secret. we dined at the masion, slept at the stoneleigh, and i have a spa day awaiting me at my discretion. as if that could get any better, he surprised me the next day with a no-questions-asked shopping spree. basically, he said we had been really strict and frugal this past semester (while i was working...for free) and that i deserved some fun. of course, being mrs frugal, i had to search out bargains. all items, except the ray bans, were on sale or clearance. i am still struggling with all that i purchased though. he keeps assuring me that i should feel no guilt over it but you know how us frugal gals can be.
the hubs is also opening his own crossfit location with a business partner come october/november. i am so super proud of him recognizing this dream! so big times are happening. i have let my CF days give way to more running...much more running. and i pride myself with my semi-badassness in that i am running in 100 degree temps at about 5pm each day. but i'm only doing around 3-4 miles so i know that shrinks said badassness quite a bit. oh well! i am making it my 30th year goal to run my first half. i am aiming for february so i will have ample time to train. i even have myself a partner in running-crime! i really do feel so much better though after a run...even a small run. sweating out all the bad...bad food, drink, karma, feelings...just let it all go.
so with all these good times, some bad news has infiltrated our lives, too. i am sending much love to a certain family member...you know who you are. all my love to you. also, in recent months my pup, Oliver, started coughing. we knew he had a heart murmur so i feared that it was congestive. we went in and found out his heart was about 3x too big and that he was in congestive heart failure. the first visit with a doc gave him a few years to live but the second visit with a new vet led to the news that we'd probably lose him within the year. after losing Libby in november, i can't imagine losing my baby. a friend said that our pets are so much more than pets...they are our familiars (from the book golden compass). he truly understands me...in sickness, happiness, sadness. he feels what i feel. and so lately there is a lingering sadness that lies on my heart that i cannot shake. and i am not sure i will shake for a very, very long time. as i type, tears rim my eyes. there will be no way to prepare for this loss and so i do the only thing i know how to, i love him as much as i can each day. i hug him, cuddle him, flood him with happiness. i want each day to be the best day possible for him.
so now you are mostly caught up with all the thoughts and happenings that have been going on. i am have made it my goal to keep at this...to keep writing even if no one reads, at least i will be sharing and releasing.
today, on this steamy, hot summer day in texas, i am sending love to all the readers and dreamers and family and friends out there.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
i had to say goodbye. well, in all honesty i said see you later rather than goodbye. i made a conscience decision to not say goodbye because the people that i had to leave are some of those rare beings that we consider gifts in one's life. each one of them taught me lessons that are incalculably valuable. without one, i would never have met my husband. without another, i would not have learned my strength. without yet another, i would not have learned to look outside of my own feelings and perspective and see it another way. and without another, i would not have learned how to be a good friend/spouse. there were other beings there that represent comfort, closeness, trials, and opposition. that my first job taught me this much, i am forever indebted. that i walked away with four of the closest friends i could ask for, i am forever blessed.
the last week i was set to work, i got utterly and horrifically sick. allergies have been plaguing the masses as winter has decided to go into hibernation this year and present us with a hybrid extended fall/early spring.
my poor little daffodils are blooming weeks and weeks before they should be. i have horrible 80's-style, humidity-possessed wavy curls made worse with frizz. and with the sniffles that i was certain i would kick (because i am wonder woman-duh) came the plague. i am lucky enough to get the plague once in a blue moon...meaning that i rarely get this kind of sick. usually i can make it through winter just fine or with a simple cold that is kicked in a day or two. oooohhhh no. not this year. the last time i was kicked around this hard was in 2008. it started with a little cough (combined with the sniffles that had been present for weeks) that quickly ravaged my body with chills, no voice, sore throat, migraine, lack of ability to sleep, chronic congestion, and a general feeling of wimpiness. i had no appetite and resorted back to a state of toddlerhood: needing to be cared for, loved on, and fed. my mom brought me soup nearly everyday as she saw me stop eating. (my throat hurt too badly.) two rounds-15days-, 6 boxes of tissues, 2 jugs of oj, 12 boxes of tea, and a week of steroids later, i felt human again. i made the mistake of going into public a couple of times to grocery shop, try to work out (twice), and go back to work, only to find that people viewed me like a demon lady...i really cannot blame them entirely. i wasn't contagious but the cough sounded like i was spreading a hearty case combo of bird-swine flu. not lady-like, nor appealing. but yes, i beat it! wonder woman, indeed!
this lovely bought of plague made me miss my last week of work. which made me cry....which was even more pathetic due to the fact that i had no voice so all that was left was the ugly-face-cry and silent sobs. but i got my voice back just in time to start my new job.....wait for it....student teacher!!!!
i did not get the school of my choice but i am loving lake highlands high. after some tumultous changes and a few scraped knees, this new teacher has begun to settle in. i'm teaching two senior english classes as of late, and we just finished up macbeth. getting these kids to change their tune is similar to trying to blow your nose when your sinuses are flared shut. you can feel a tug of relief as something starts to happen so you keep at it but it's so dang frustrating that you almost want to just let it lay. but you know it's for the better good to keep at it so you do and finally get that tissue full of sinus and know that life is better and healthier for it. change hurts...but the kind of change i am attempting really is for their benefit. they need to interact more, work together, speak their minds, PARTICIPATE. and please do not get me started on the respect issue. that's a whole other post.
at the end of the day i feel good. stronger, wiser, and tired...but ready for tomorrow. i enjoy the drive to work, wondering what the day will bring...slowly, surely, nails-scraping-the-floor-and-curse-words-under-their-breath changing their minds and opinions of learning. we're going to do this together, darn it all.
more updates soon...for now, i need to start brainstorming some activities for brave new world...any ideas? happy days and small victories for all!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
thankful for a huge mug of hot tea to help cure the sniffles.
thankful for a run on sunday and monday that i am still feeling today...because it means i am alive.
thankful for a hubby who comes home and gives me a kiss on the forehead to check on me when i am bundled under layers of goose down, fleece, and sweatshirts.
thankful that no matter what, we have what we truly need. we are blessed.
thankful for parents who love unconditionally.
thankful for a sister who causes my brain's neurons to spark and fire with wit and bountiful new knowledge.
thankful for two furbabies who, with all their issues are still with us and provide so much love.
thankful for new family who supports, loves, and is always there with a hug and a smile.
thankful for friends who know me...sometimes better than i know myself. and support me through it all.
thankful to be done with the classes needed for certification and for the support i have been amply provided with from loved ones, coworkers, and friends.
thankful for this season...all it's wonder, spirit, family-ness, loveliness, light, giving, and for all that it means.
Friday, December 9, 2011
yes, that marley-of-a-mutt ate that whole damned bag in the middle of the night. yes, caffeine is toxic to dogs. and this is three days after she had been put on phenobarbital to prevent the seizures we found out she was having because she is - wait for it - TOO HAPPY. she gets too excited and happy and has a seizure. so i awoke to the sound of click-click-click-click back and forth from the other room. i went out and smelled coffee instantly but thought the hubs had just set his fancy-schmancy coffee pot on auto. i found the dog pacing back and forth in a straight-ish line in the living room. back and forth, back and forth. i figured she needed to go out so i let her out. she went out and sprinted full speed through the entire back yard for a good 5 minutes. i then pulled her back in and tried to barricade her in our room to get her back to sleep and laid back down.
i was just at the point of sleep - you know, that glorious moment where you're finally drifting back into a sound slumber and start to hallucinate your dreams - and my brain suddenly clicked...could she? would she? this is right about the time Campbell is unpopping the door to let herself out again because she is WIRED. yes. my brain answered my fear...she ate that damned bag. she was drinking water like it was going outta style so i kept filling it up...this will help clear her system, my sleep-fogged mind is thinking. i let her back out...this is when i think she either pooed or threw up the first half of the bag (there are nice piles of pure, whole beans in the yard, thank you.). i then checked her heart beat again. it was fairly normal! so i refilled her water and laid in the hall with her to try to get her to calm down a bit. nope...just click-click-click...
i checked her heart beat pretty routinely that night and after a good 3 hours, she finally came back into the room and laid on the bed. she did not sleep though. by the time hubs awoke, he found three more piles of coffee-based vomit (good thing they smelled like coffee-the WHOLE house smelled like coffee by this time.) and Cammi at the baby gate whining to get out. he told me later that she tore around the backyard for the next 20 minutes while he got ready.
i checked her heart rate before leaving for work and called my mom to come check on her during the day. by the time i had made it home, she had dumped both water bowls over in her crate, had shifted her crate 3/4 of the way around and there was water and dog hair everywhere. it looked like there had been some sort of friggin animal fight in there. she then ran around the backyard again for a good 20 minutes. by dinner though, her caffeine withdrawals had set in and she took to this gutteral, sad, low whiney howl. she was detoxing. now, if she had been in any danger at this point, of course i wouldn't find this at all humorous. but the dog has been taught NOT to rummage, dig in the trash, eat dog poo, and has a bazillion fancy and nice expensive toys so it really was a lesson hard learned for her.
long story long, she's fine....won't go near coffee...and has taken to rummaging through the 'dog-proof' trash cans again. i found her with an old disposable razor blade the other night in her mouth. i mean seriously, if the dog wasn't spoiled rotten, completely infatuated with my hubs, and outright smiles all the time, i'd think she was trying to off herself! we've upped the trash and dog security around the house and i will be wrapping all gifts this weekend. i'll replace the coffee in a few weeks, right before Christmas so she can't get into it again!
i hope y'all enjoyed another chapter in the crazy book of life in newlywed land. but life is grand, ain't it?! i mean, our pup survived something that should have killed her and that's a big enough blessing for me this year.
have a wonderful weekend, all!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
thankfulness. there is really no way to accurately express the levels of thankfulness i have felt lately. but i'm am going to try, so please bear with me. blog-related: i am thankful for the few readers that i have swing by my blog. i now just need to figure out how to get them to leave comments so i stop feeling like i'm talking to myself (again....). i am thankful i have this outlet in my life to release, to decompress, to share and maybe reach someone, make them smile, or get them reading (that's the future lit teacher talking). i am thankful to have had this blog to write my feelings out after losing libs. i think that really helped me start to feel better. going to my parents house has been hard...i still want to see that face greet me. i know it'll get easier though. i am thankful for the blogs i get to read that bring smiles to my face on hard days and keep me running!
work-related: i am so thankful my work hubby and her hubby are having a baby. my 'psychic' dreams are sending me mixed messages though about whether she's having a girl or a boy. either way, they'll be amazing parents (as long as DJP doesn't get his name vote!). i am thankful for such amazing, supportive, happy, loving, kind coworkers...who are like family. there's the crazy siblings, mom and dad figures, psycho members, and those we love to wonder about. it has made these last four and a half years fly by and will make leaving mid-january very hard. many tears will be shed from these eyes!
hubby-related: i am so thankful for him. especially this time of year, when we get to make new traditions, plan our future and get excited, decorate, shop together, dine together, laugh and cuddle in the cold, and the times when it hits me still - he's mine - we're married...it makes me so happy. he pushes me to be better, to live stronger, and to love harder. i just love him.
family-related: i am so, so thankful for them...for bringing new members in and getting to celebrate seasons with them and be there to support each other through the hard times. our family is fiercely strong - extended and direct. we lean on each other and protect. there is really no describing this mishmash, hilarious, brilliant, strong, proud, and loving crew. without my parents, i would be no where. they are my strengths so many hard times and have built me to be stronger than i knew i could be. my sister has pushed me to look at life in different ways. she is my polar opposite but completes me. i love her more than she could ever know. i have a new sister, who i greatly admire and love. and a new mom and dad. they are so generous and kind. loving...they show so much love. i love them all.
friends-related: my friends who are my family. i have added many new ones this year, which always pushes my heart and proves to me that i am capable of loving so much more than i knew possible. they are pieces of me that are missing or that add to my personality. friends are kind of wonderful in that way. they fill in the gaps and holes in your life where you need them...and you do the same for them. i have my friends that have been with me through the impossibly hard times and the magnificently wonderful times. they are family now. i could not love them more.
i am thankful for the time i've had to really examine what i want to do and where i am going. that feeling that i am moving on to something that is going to be good for me. i am so grateful for the time i've had with loved ones, for the lessons that i've learned from others, and for the smiles i've been able to provide to others.
Turkey Day recap...well, really, just the 8-mile-run-in-serial- killer-weather recap: weather was cold at first. waiting for the DART rail to get us to the Trot start was horrific. when we finally got on the rail, we were jammed in like crushed little wine grapes. the best part about this though was that it warmed us up! i had to lean against the door and at each stop, i had to make sure that door wasn't due to open, otherwise i'd be falling bassackwards out. that would not have been the best way to start 8 miles. so we make it and get shifted to the front since we're timed runners (AWESOME!). it took around 2 minutes to get over the start. there were around 38,000 runners! even more participated with dogs, babies, etc. this was the longest run i've had since bouncing back from injuries and taking running time off to do the Paleo-CF challenge so i was really not prepared (bad, bad, bad lindsay). the first 4.5 miles were utter poo. now, my second mile was an 8-minute mile which must have been an act of God! i brought some cliff shot bloks, which were my saving grace, and some energy jelly bellies. those were too hard to break into while running. as i ran, i had an ample supply of tissues to blow my constantly draining nose, i stripped off a fleece at first, then the long sleeve turkey trot t (poo on y'all for cotton tshirts! but uber cute design!) and made it down to the technical short-sleeved t i had on under that all. i must have looked like a bag lady, but i'm used to that. let's just pretend that if those weren't tied around my waste, i would have ran like 4 minutes faster, mkay?! so the first hill was a steady 1/4 mile incline...not a slow, smooth, nice meandering type hill either. we're talking like HELLO, mini-dallas-mountain! Ugh. then we ran across the serial killer fog-enriched bridge...which was actually pretty peaceful. after i dodged a dead bird and opossum, we ran around some apartments and such before taking another more-meandering but still intense hill up to the bridge again. then i saw my saving grace - the 6 mile mark! i was determined to jet at that point. a kid that had stopped to tie his shoe zoomed in front of me, cutting me off and nearly made me trip on my clumsy self but i recovered, popped another blok and heard the crowds and music nearing. the last tiny hill nearly killed me though. for serious. i felt my heart strain, i think...OLD LADY ALERT! as i pushed up it, trying with all my might to bust it. i finished it in about 1hr 23 minutes. not terrible, but not awesome. BUT no real injuries (just a little pain)!!!!!! and i really only walked once. for that, i was most proud. especially since i almost choked on the bloks while running and chewing them and trying to breathe through my massive snot-filled nose.
SO-after like two days of hobbling around due to soreness from my lack of training (bad, bad, bad lindsay), i am really happy that i finished it! i'll be training for a half in march/april now.
school is wrapping up now as well...so back to the books and paper writing! Cheers!